Wasted Adolescence

by Lindsey
(Texas, United States)

I'm sixteen years old and I've been depressed since I was twelve. I don't think, at the age of twelve, I was able to understand what was happening to me. I didn't know why I suddenly began to feel sad all the time or why I felt like I wasn't good enough.
I blamed it on my weight. I've been overweight ever since I can remember. When I was younger, I used to eat for everything. If I was happy or sad or angry or just bored, I would grab something to eat.
Then I turned fourteen and I was tired of being fat and sad all the time. I was sick of seeing the other thin girls getting the attention from boys. I'd read a book about a thirteen year old girl who'd begun to make herself vomit.
I tried it. And I lost the weight, but not the depression. I became physically weak. And although I'd lost a lot of weight, it always seemed as though there was more to lose. I cried every night and everyday after school, I would rush to the kitchen and binge myself of food until I couldn't take anymore. Then I would run to the bathroom and vomit.
Now I'm sixteen and although the bulimia is considerably better than it was, I will never be entirely healed. I am still sad everyday. My parents refuse to get me help because they don't believe that mental illnesses exist. They think I'm just craving attention or lazy.
My advice to everyone, is to never believe that an eating disorder is a good idea. To surround yourself in people who love you and to always remember that you do have potential and power, even if you can't see it.