Struggling to Cope

by ,
(UK)

i'm 15 and i've been struggling to cope for just over a year now. i began cutting about a year ago as well, not deep enough to damage myself, but deep enough to leave the scars. back in march earlier this year i took an overdose.. i was sent to hospital after telling a teacher what i had done and was kept in overnight. i was seen by someone from CAMHS and then sent home after them saying that i was fine. but i really didn't feel to fine, a follow up appointment was made for september to see how i was doing. after i seen how selfish i was and how much i upset my family i started to get better, i wanted to enjoy life for my families sake. i was finally starting to feel happier. around july i started feeling low again, nothing major and not depressed. i was longing for my CAMHS appointment because i could feel myself starting to sink back into the way i felt before and i just needed some help. when my appointment finally came in september the physiatrist that i saw told me that it sounded like i was suffering from low mood and i could see them again in november, it was my choice. i agreed because i knew this feeling wasn't going to go away.

my friends have always been supportive and understanding, but over the past few months it doesn't even seem like they care. no one listens to me and no one understands the way i'm feeling and i'm always told to just 'get over it' which is something that sounds simple but its not. my mums exactly the same, she thinks im just being a typical teenager and this is all just a phase and even though she listens, she doesn't understand.. and i've given up on talking to people now because they just dont get it.

i dont feel low anymore, i feel empty and all i want to do is be alone, because i find it really hard to hold back and put on a front to try and show people im ok, and i dont like people to think that i am weird. i cry all the time and i can never get to sleep.. i get 3-4 hours sleep a night if im lucky. i spoke to the school councillor and told her everything that i was feeling and she said that she think i could be suffering from depression, but nothing more has been done really.

CAMHS has been ok so far and i see them every other week now, but nothings changing, and i'm not feeling any better? i dont know if i have depression, perhaps i am just being a stupid teenager. but i cant carry on feeling like this anymore. i didnt even go to school today because i couldn't face people, i just want this all to end.