sometimes i just dont get it.

hey.. im 15... Im always sad. I always keep to my self. and ever since my first relations ship got corrupt my life flew down the drain. now my boyfriend doesnt know what to think. he doesnt get it. he thinks im just making a big deal about everything. i get depressed at least3 times a day with him. and when im "happy" it just goes away when something happens. instantly. im starting to hate my life even more thatn i did 2 years ago.
i currently hate my like, all my friends, my whole family, and myself. the only thing i absolutely love i my boyfriend who has family problems. hes to scared of suicide, but sometimes he makes a big deal, and then backs out. it doesnt help me at all. i freakout about it all the time. i am suicidal. like, actually suicidal. no one knows it but him.
And then again, my dad puts so much pressure on me to do well, i tried to tell him, he doesnt get me either.
I just.... i hate my life. so much has happened these past few years that i just dont want to deal with it anymore. my best friend is depressed, we arent friends anymore. she flipped out on me and we said things. i actually meant them. she made up lies to hurt me. whatever. who cares. shes on meds now. shes crazy. i hate people.