Screwed since birth

by Savannah
(Southern California)

Never Give In

Never Give In

I've had depression for about 10 years now. Ya, I'm freakin 14. It definitely isn't easy. I'm always tired, always sad, always antisocial. everyone thinks it's normal. Hell no it isn't! It sucks. Ya, life sucks.

All I really care about is music, art, and my very few friends. My parents aren't as lovely as everyone makes them out to be. Most people see a happy loving couple. I see the truth. I see two people who have no patience, no understanding, no control, and disapproving hearts. I've been to therapy before, and now I have to go back. I've thought about suicide like everyday. My mom went downhill when I was like 4. My dad was never home. Now she's better, but I'm not. Seeing and experiencing all the crap that happened kinda corrupted me. It just got worse. I don't have a good relationship with my parents or my siblings. We always fight. And it usually doesn't end well. I get bullied for the way I look.

I've been bullied for as long as I can remember. I was always a target. I'm categorized as the emo and goth. now I'm preparing to go to a highschool in an entirely new town where I won't know ANYONE. I'll have to face everything alone. I'll have to face the hellhole I call home by myself. I'm not sure what I'll do, but I can't give in. That's what I always remember. Never give in.

Comments for
Screwed since birth

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May 12, 2011
 Thank you NEW
by: Savannah

Thank you guys for the comments. They really do help. It took me a lot of courage to write this page. To the first "Anonymous": I'm sorry but I can't talk by that. One of the rules my parents use to only control me more. I apologize for not being able to :(
To "Wozee": ya I do get some of those symptoms. Anger, hate, aches, unable to hold conversation. But I also do get other ones not listed. Anxiety, frustration, lack of patience, etc. Hope that helped.
May 07, 2011
 Major clinical depression. How did it get to this NEW
by: Wozee

Oh where do i start?
Anyone with major or severe depression may or may not have the same symptoms as me, but i was wondering just how many people have similar symptoms?
All over body, Goose bumps then start sweating.
Dry mouth?
Difficulty holding a conversation?
Hate????
Anger/rage ????
Continuous Suicidal thorts.
Hate socialising.
Childhood memories keep haunting and taking over my current thorts.
Headaches?
Aches/pains?
Numbness toward everything/everyone?
Anger toward family cause they tell u to 'snap out of it'. ?
sweating?
Apr 30, 2011
 I understand NEW
by: Anonymous

I felt the same way as an adolescent. 14 was hell. My parents and siblings never did anything about it except to blame me. There are some phrases which helped me through the bad times:

*Remember that the despair is the depression talking to you...it is NOT you.

*Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

*It feels like it will never go away...but it does. Sometimes quickly, usually slowly.

IT DOES GET BETTER. IT ALWAYS DOES.

Hope this helps.
Apr 30, 2011
 Everything is everything, as well as absollutly nothing NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry, so sorry. I have to say, I am 100% impressed with you! You've been depressed for sooooooo long and haven't committed suicide, wow, I've been depressed for like a little more than a year and I already know how I will kill myself, only problem is that people will miss me. Why? I wonder? I just don't know, because personally I am the worst person in the world, I hate myself more than anything else. You wanna talk to me, I mean like email or something? Write a comment on you page saying yes or no. Please, I don't mind either way. I wrote my post, but it hasn't been posted yet. It's called (well I know it's called something really close to this) I'm dead, no, worse, I'm alive. Talk later hold on if you can.
Apr 27, 2011
 Change might be good. . . . NEW
by: Storm

The fact that you're moving to a new town is actually a blessing in disguise, you just might not know it yet. Now you get the chance to reinvent yourself and to make new friends who appreciate you for who you are. You have two great possibly coping mechanisms : art and music. If you can learn how to use these things to your advantage it could make coping with the depression so much easier for you.
One more piece of advice. Get a shrink that works for you. Working with one with an impressive resume but who doesn't get you doesn't help at all.
You're in my thoughts xxx

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