Sad

by A
(Cloud Land)

I am just sad. Depressed.
I recently failed to be a doctor.
I became fat while studying.
I lost my friends while studying.
I put all I had to studying and gained nothing.

It's not easy to lose weight.
Which is the major reason to my depression.
People seem to remind me of how fat I am everyday.

Someone said to me
"You will look so nice if you lost weight. You are you know little fat"

"why did you gain so much weight?"

"Don't you feel the urge to lose some weight?"

"Disgusting."

Even my brother said
"I'm really embarrassed to show you in front of my friends"

"I hope you disappear from my sight now"

My brother is so slim. He can fit in women's clothes. Like skinny jeans.
He is so fashionable and good looking that he attracts attention everywhere he goes.
Walking beside him makes me feel so depressed. And makes me put on depressed faces.
Someone once said if you are FAT you should at least be FRIENDLY
I guess I can't fulfill any of them.

My mother said
"You are such a pig. Everyone looks at you if you are so dumb and slow and unintelligent"

I am fat. I am not obese. But if you are not slim it's all the same.

It's SLIM everywhere.

I don't want to be seen by other people.

I don't want to go to university. There is too many people.
I hope I am invisible.

People is asking if I got accepted to be being a doctor.
Answering this and putting on a smile is frustrating.

I just want to live a quite life.
But this doesn't seem to be the case.

I want to go somewhere.
Rest with no one disturbing me.
Like Heaven.
But I am not suicidal. I detest suicide and no intention on carrying out.
But I hope I die quickly.

I want so many things and I seem to get none of them.


Tears kept coming out when I am alone.

But it's ok.
Next day is another day and I have to live with what I've got.
Even if it is so disgusting, that I don't want to open my eyes in the morning.
I have no choice