Please Just Get It Over With

I don't know what to do...I feel...trapped . As if none would, could, or even wanted to help me. I used to be an intelligent kid, but then my family kept on pressurizing me with more and more and it was like, I was suffocating .

i don't have anyone to talk to or tell whatever was happening to me. my parents are doctors . they don't believe in psychiatric help. to them my quietness and unwillingness to do things was just normal teen behaviour. i couldn't talk to them freely. i still cant. i feel scared, so scared and so lost. its like, everyone's trying to push me down. to throw me out. my friends, i cant trust them ever.

i used to have a best friend but it changed , everything changed. life went from being innocent and happy to something really dark, me being made to sit in the middle of all of it.i try so hard to get out of my depression , to enjoy a normal, happy life but every time i try to keep my chin up, someone is always there to push it back down. i feel so worthless, as if no one ever wants me around. i feel rejected, i don't want to do anything.

i loved painting but it started to seem like a waste of time, like i said, worthless. it hurt. so bad. i wanted to end it all. to go to sleep forever, but then every time i started to think about doing something like that, i feel, no, tomorrow would be better, but it never is. it's becoming worse and worse. i cant cope up. i desperately want friends, i want — to be WANTED. to be loved. i feel like , everyone thinks it's a waste of time to talk to me. my friends make plans without me, very often. why do they do this? everyone wants a happy life, why cant i have one? why cant i jump out of this black hole and just forget about it all? start over. please just drive a knife through me. End it all.

I cant take it anymore. Why does everyone want me to suffer?