Nothing Special But I'm Still Hurting

by Quietgirl
(United Kingdom)

I'm 15 and I've never had a boyfriend.

I'm 15 and I've never had a boyfriend.

The title of this basically sums up my whole life. I'm 15 and I've never had a boyfriend. Not even a kiss. Why? I would kill to have a boy just smile at me, look at me, but I don't think it's ever going to happen. Not anytime soon anyway.

I feel depressed but unlike the people on here, I've never cut myself or seen a therapist. I can't tell anyone. I don't feel that I'm worth the words I am typing, I don't think anyone likes me and, yes, I sound like a brat with the whole 'nobody likes me' thing, but that's genuinely how I feel. I'm so shy that when I'm around other people, I feel myself tense up. I'm the person in the background — irrelevant. That's how I feel. Everyone makes me feel uncomfortable and no-one seems to understand. They're all like 'why can't you just join in the conversation?' or 'oh don't mind her, she never speaks'. It hurts. It tears me to pieces knowing that nobody will take the time to just figure me out. Just simple things like waking up in the morning and having to go to school, to face my peers, is the hardest thing for me. What makes me so inferior? Why do I have to be the socially awkward freak?

If I knew the answers, I wouldn't be so upset, lonely and tired. I know my story sounds pathetic next to all these serious problems but to me, it's my life and it's what kills me inside. I'm nothing extraordinary but I'm still hurting.

Comments for
Nothing Special But I'm Still Hurting

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hey cheer up
by: claudia

Okat first of all trust me I use to be like that a whole lot. I wouldn't even talk in class. Everyone got use to me not talking. I was so shy that when a teacher called on me for an answer I'd easily get very nervous and embarrassed. It wasn't easy because I was so shy. And I never got along with people. I guess you can define me as a loner. You seem like one kind of. But the thing is when I hit highschool things changed. Not so quickly but they do. It wasn't till my sophmore year that I came out of my shell. I wasn't so shy anymore. Maybe because I was in a class with people that were a year younger than me. I didn't feel as shy because I knew I was the older one which everyone wanted to be cool with. What I'm trying to say is you'll change at your own pace. Trust me I use to pray for a bf since I was little. I would pray and pray and wish and wish. Until I gave up and just did my own thing. Now I have guys fighting over me. And tons of friends and im not the shy little kid I use to be. Trust me when You least expect it you'll get everything you want. As for the kissing thing let that take time. I would just say be close with some guys and be there for them. :) Hope my advice helps.
You´re special
by: Anonymous

You got a great perception on what´s going around you . You are introvert , so what ? look for places and people who understand who you are. Be always yourself , someone will arrive.
:)
by: Anonymous

Someday, someone will appear and make you feel like our not alone. Like You fit in. Because you do. I don't know you and I love you. You dont sound like a brat you sound like one of the greatest person. Someday the world will make sense and you'll find exactly what you want in life. You'll realize what you've been living for.
Axilena white <3

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