No Attention from Guys

Im 15 years old, 16 next month actually and I hate my life. I have no self esteem , I hate my self for my looks , personality , lack of confidence , pretty much everything .

I only have 3 friends but they are great friends and I love them and i'm glad I have them , but the thing is they all have attention from guys and are all confident and able to talk to people without getting all panicked and flustered like I do . And its hard for me because I get very little or no attention from guys even though I spend hours dollying myself up for them , they look past me and hit on my friends and this makes me feel useless and ugly and depressed .

I've only ever had one proper experience with a guy and it lasted for a week and I found out he was using me .And i've only kissed 9 guys which in this day and age is considered 'sad' .When I go out I get dressed up and I feel kinda good about myself but it's not real confidence its this thing called alcohol… I get very drunk on nights out because it gives me this feeling of confidence and makes me not give a fuck about anyone or anything and I'm so afraid that when i'm legally able to buy drink and if i'm still in this depressed state ill become a serious alcoholic and I don't want that I don't want alcohol to take over my life .

Being a teenager in this age is horrible , everywhere i look i see these big group of pretty girls with gorgeous hair make clothes and they just spill confidence and there surrounded my boys and i just depresses me x100 times more . i have a Facebook but i hate going on it cause i see all these peoples pages and there pages are full of exciting things and pictures of them having fun with a big group of people and i cant stand it . I've only ever self harmed myself once with a razor blade i've thought about suicide 4 or 5 times and just sitting in my room crying asking god to kill me . I cant handle being this depressed anymore but i just want a life :(