My story...when and how it all started

by Krystal Nahdee
(Wallaceburg Ont )

Well, i'm a young teen i'm gonna give you the basics of me first before I start.
Im 14 years old , my name is Krystal , I live in a small town called Wallaceburg and its located in Ontario,1 brother, I live with my mother, I visit my dad rarely. I don't know the population of Wallaceburg but I couldn't care less. Anyway, This whole depression started in grade 6 - 12 years old - lots of friends.

My depression started out with a relationship but I don't think i'm gonna go into that whole relationship story because it was an on and off relationship, lets just say it was young love. Uh, I have always been depressed about relationships because Im such a nice person and I do nice things and do everything that Im asked to do by my parents and I respected everything. My dad was a drunky , and so was my mom. My dad would always get mad at me… and hit me because I would tell my brother not to do something or I would hide his toys and lock them in my room because he would throw them around and bug me and he would cry so my dad thought I had always done something like abuse my little brother but I didn't . My mom knew he did that too i don't know why she hadn't stopped him or yelled at him for it , like one time it was a snowy morning and my brother was hitting me so i told him get the hell away from me and then i threw his little toy truck into the living room from the hallway so he started crying so my dad came in the hallway and said what the fuck are you doing to your brother he's smaller than you don't be touching him and then he smacked me across the head really hard that i started crying so i ran upstairs to tell my mom because i told her i had enough of him hitting me and accusing me of stuff i didn't do so she really yelled at him… and i don't know why but i felt bad… anyway thats my dads part you get that he kinda abused me but whatever i'm moving on to the next part.

It was grade 7 , not much really happened in grade 7 but it was just the same old shit as grade 6. Moving on to grade 8, my depression problem started getting out of hand I started to have more relationship problems and bigger rumors like you wouldn't even know. My relationships would end up with an argument or the guy being depressed because of me , which it wouldn't be my fault and the rumors would be me being a slut, whore , druggy. It made me so mad and depressed I didn't know what to do anymore so I gave up on trying to be happy about everything when I was actually sad. I started to show my true mood , Depression. Depression was like my only mood I would be in and things got so bad it started to lead to Suicide, and we all know what that means . Anyway , this suicide things leaded me into cutting and I cut really deep but not deep enough to almost die. I do have scars and there not good. Uhm, I have tried to OD on some pills like too many but I never died obviously , I only slept for many days like I was in COMA but … not really , I stayed in my room many of days and missed so many days of school I would get yelled at by my mother because we are on welfare . She didn't wanna get cut off or we would have nothing, The only person who I truly felt loved by was my MOM. My mom is like my life, she is my happy pill. I love her to death even when she makes me mad. Anyway, I finally told her I didn't wanna go to school because of many problems.. I wouldn't tell her the truth of why I didn't wanna go I just kept telling her I DONT WANNA GO . She finally gave in and I did homeschooling , Still than I was depressed but luckily I finished grade 8 and graduated . Grade 9 ... mhm , heres the next part.. It gets worse.

Grade 9 , freshman year. Mhm, things went well for the first few months and then things got so bad more rumors started to spread more people hated me , and yet I got accused of shit. Im the nicest person you will ever meet trust me. I didn't care what people thought the first little bit but than people I was close to started to drift away from me without an explanation or anything I was like what .. Now.. This is going a little too far what did I do , I kept asking myself these questions and now I only have one true friend.. That I have had since I was 8 years old. Well , I stopped going to high-school and I am currently doing Correspondents for schooling and I get called a Slut, Whore, Bitch, Ugly, Gross, Nasty, whatever name there is people want to call you to put you down. It hurts me , it really does… You know the only reason I am coping through all this depression and shit is because I have my mother, My best-friend, and my boyfriend, and I don't know what I would do without them like honestly... If I didn't have them.. I wouldn't be here this day. Like I said it one of my paragraphs how I love my mom , she helps me through everything.. Well theres one last paragraph on why Im depressed

I had this amazing cousin her name was Ashley, She was the most gorgeous girl ever, She did modeling and she wanted to become a model someday . She was my babysitter when I was little and she was cool because she would play barbies with me and play with me when I didn't have anyone else. Well, anyway.... I haven't seen her for like years well maybe like 2 not even that , but the last time I seen her was on a family members birthday because on April 18, 2010, she passed away due to suicide. She hung herself.. People don't know what is was about like you know her depression.. Her mom thinks its because of past things. Im not gonna say because it's a little too personal. But , When I found out.. I was so shocked.. I didn't say a word all I did was cry.. And feel sad.. For many and many of days.. And each night I cried for her.. And sometimes i'm happy because.. My little brother he says that she sits in my room with me and watches me sleep.. And he never really knew her, he was a baby when she ever watched him.. It was actually creepy.. But maybe its because I have some of her stuff that her mom gave me.. I have one of her bandanas that she put her clips on exactly how she left it , its still the same... and I have many other things to . But everyday I think of how things were with everything that has happened and it puts me down. Thinking of her makes me sad, and I have had a couple dreams of her. I guess Im gonna talk about it uhm.. My first dream was that she was walking down a road.. and she was holding something but I didn't look at what it was.. it was in her hand though and i walked up to her and she just smiled..than i woke up , my second dream was that .. she was on a big hill and she was in this pretty purple dress and she had a tiara on and she looked so happy and i walked on top of that hill and she looked at me and smiled and touched my shoulder and said.. everything gonna be ok.. and it felt so real but it wasn't and then.. she slowly walked down the hill and disappeared and i woke up crying.. This is something I wont forget.

Now that I have told you a couple stories of why I was depressed and why I am depressed I hope you find them quite interesting and care to help me out a bit , Because till this day I still feel so alone and hurt.. And about to just give up on my life.. I know its not the best thing but I want to because Im so hurt.. Bullying hurts.. And affects others. Contact me ! PLEASE.

Thanks..