My Battles with Depression

by Jennifer
(Hatfield, PA)

I am not stranger with depression. I came from a big italian family. I went to catholic school and all was well for a while. By the time I hit 3rd grade my self esteem was non existent. I got picked on not only by students but teachers too. My first attempt suicide was when I was in 4th grade. I was going to put a knife through my chest. I heard my mom and grandmom and I just..couldn't. My parents started me in therapy when I was in 6th grade. I am now 26, from 6th grade till I was 18 I went through 8 shrinks. Needless to say they didn't work. I also lost my entire family. From age 11 to 23 I went to 12 funerals...all close family...once a year I was faced with burying someone close to me. I am not the best writer...I know that. I was depressed and it still hits me (mostly around the holidays). I do however suffer with Panic Attacks..a disease I will have the rest of my life. I cannot go anywhere(when not medicated) without having one. I have to be medicated because if I am not on them...I wont be able to leave my house.

Depression is horrible. But I wanted to let everyone know that nothing NOTHING is worth you losing a life. Life sucks, its hard, it makes you insane sometimes, but its what makes us who we are. If it was easy no one would appreciate it.

This isn't my whole story, honestly I don't think anyone cares. I know how hard it is to live with this disease( and yes it is a disease...it hurts you, can disable you and can if you let it, kill you). But you are a strong person, regardless of what you may think. Things do get better. I can promise that.