Lost, confused and afraid...

by Francis B

I am 13 now. I am afraid I have depression and don't want to admit it. I keep telling myself that it's just teenage hormones, but I am starting to think it might be true. I cut myself once and loved it at first but when it scarred I regretted it.

When I was 12 I had thoughts of suicide but I could never go through with it... That would hurt my parents too much and I am afraid that my mum would blame herself and harm herself (she is depressed too). My brother is 19 and has depression too. I haven't told my parents about it because I am not sure it is depression and that I need help but I also don't want to hassle them with it - we have enough problems as is.

I just don't know if I have depression and how would I deal with it if I did? I really need help because I know that if I try to hide it or deal with it myself I will mess up. I am always so numb inside. I dont really care if I live or get raped or anything.

My school counsellor is a creep and tried to hit on me so I won't go back there and there is no out of school clinic I could go to... I am just so lost.

I have these low moments were I just breakdown and cry my heart out but no one sees it. I told some of my friends that I might have depression but they didnt believe me and ignored it. Only my best friend believed and even he can't understand right.... Please reply to this I am just so confused. I am a girl btw.

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Lost, confused and afraid...

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Mar 01, 2012
 I understand
by: Anonymous

I just want to let you know that you are not alone. I am in a similar situation. I am 13 years old and, depression runs in my family, and I don't want to bother them with my own. However, it is not fair to you to let them ignore it. Talk to them about why you don't want to see your school counsellor. It's probably worth talking to the school about too. I have told my best friends about my depression, and while they sympathize, they do not understand what I am going through. When I told them about my thoughts of suicide, their response was "It will pass," not OMG YOU NEED HELP. If there isn't someone there to get help for you, get help for yourself. Don't just try to get through it. Know that there are people who love you.
Sep 02, 2011
 Changed for the better....let's hope
by: Francis B

Thanks for your comment - i will take you up on that challenge. I don't know which test you wished for me to take but I did an M3 test and my score was 86 (normal is 33). it said my risk of depression was high, anxiety high and bipolar was high but PTSD was unlikely. I took the test again after a few months and my score had lowered massively to 26!!! i finnaly have a tip to all those out there - fall in love! It will rock your world completely!!!Of course , i still have my moments but everything is so much clearer but i am still wary of it returning, but for now i m the happiest i have ever been
Jul 08, 2011
 You are confused
by: Laslo

Hi Francis,
It seems that you are really confused, afraid and lost in your world. It does not mean depression by all means. Your mood is down because you find yourself in a situation which is unclear, uncertain and you are not able to manage it.
Please, take the teenager depression test and let me know your score.
I'd like to give you a task: write a tale, I mean an old style tale with king and dragon etc.

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