I wish time would end

by Zoe IwishIwasdead Lucas
(Vermont)

My Story... Where to start? My life was a child's dream. Except for the part that I never had a Dad. No fatherly figure to rely on. He left my mom when she was pregnant. They were never married, and she was in college. I always wondered about him. My mom would never tell me anything. Nothing at all, I would cry about it. Everything was perfect except for that. Then something else came in the way, Tom.

My step Dad. My step dad Tom, married my mom. He seemed okay at first, and since I was a child I was excited to have my first Daddy. I only was okay with him, the day I found out, because he bought me McDonalds. Childs dream right? Not really.

Anyway, He was okay, then I started getting more mature, and I got my "attitude" That's what he calls it. I would do one thing wrong, stay up a little late, and I would get yelled at. I don't even know what I did sometimes. He would chase me up stairs and I would hide in a closet with no doorknob so, if you were in there you were trapped unless you brought scissors. I would hide in there and fear for my life.

The years went by, easy as can be hiding my scared self from the rest of the world, no one knew, just me. I never told my mom, no one. So we come to 7th grade. I made my best friend ever. We looked alike had everything in common and just wanted to have a good laugh. We only got in petty fights, not even real fights. We would have sleep overs every week. We had almost every class with each other. It was great, a true friend. I was so happy. I didn't feel scared at home, or anything. Then the summer past, it was great, I went to Maine with a friend, and Jordan and I hung out almost every day.

Then 8th grade arrived and the peak of my depression. Tom got worse. I started to cut. I only did a few times. It made the pain go away, just for a little bit. To get rid of being scared. Then I met a girl who I got even closer to than the first best friend. She was nothing like me. Then the first best friend's best friend, came along. She was drama filled and Hated me. Oh the harassment. She was the one who started the most heartbroken moment in my whole life.She made the fight. She... Was the one who made me want to die inside. All the time. See the fight was about my cutting. I had stopped for a bit, but then they made a big thing about it. I have a temper and it took a hold of me. I got mad, and I yelled at them. Facebook? No help. Just another place for her to be mean. Another place to be depressed. Another place to have no one. The fight. My best friends hated me. Every one did. I had no one. I would go home and cry, and cut. And try to hurt myself. I tried killing myself. I wasn't successful.

I couldn't tell any one. I had no one. I still don't. The fight is over. I was a month long. It was hell non the less. I'm still friends with everyone. It was so bad. I really was wreck, and my mom, yeah, she couldn't care less. She didn't do anything to help me. Ugh, how I felt. Then I found him, the boy I started to care for so much, I though I was in love. He was too. He ruined it, and broke my heart. I was even more devastated. It's "okay" says the fake me. The barbie, hahaha everything okay mom! No, I'm okay. everything just perfect!!!!

*Sigh* A while later. I was crying to my mom. Upset. I told her fuck you. Tom came home. It was so scary. I had never wanted to die so badly in my whole life. He came up stairs. I was crying. He called me a bitch for crying. He threatened to hit me. He denied as his own child. I started cutting again. I couldn't stop. I was so bad. It still is.

I found a boy I almost love, but not quite. He's perfect for me. I care so much about him. I'm still depressed. And I want to die everyday. This day, I saved a girl from committing suicide. I write poems. I try to help others. I might just get a therapist. I'm still depressed but I try. I try really hard. But nothing has changed, Nothing at all. My boy, he tries to help, and sometimes he does help because I know he cares about me. I don't think I can stop feeling this way. Never. Even if I have him. Even if. Because I still feel so god damned alone.


Save Her,
I don't know her,
But save her,
Save the girl who is beat,
the girl who is sworn at,
the girl who is bullied
the one who always wants to die,
the girl who feels so Alone,
just like i,
I saved her from dying,
I felt so proud,
All of the work,
the tired hours spending,
saving a girl I don't know,
Save Her,
stop her pain,
Just try,
You'll get the accomplishing feeling just like I,
Save Her, please,
Se needs it more than I,
Just save her, SaveHer. Save Her is a true story, about a girl, Jane Doe( her name is hidden from the public to hide her identity). The speaker is me Zoe... The situation is very difficult for the both of us. She's hurt, and beat, and it's nearly impossible to save her, even if you know how she feels. No, I wasn't beat but she is depressed, and I have been/am too. So, I know exactly how she feels, but we're depressed for different reason, but when you're depressed, you're depressed. I save a girl one day, from committing suicide, She's safer now, now that I stayed up till 2 in the morning calming her down, showing her the great things she'll become when she's older. How if she died the pain never leaves her soul. It just leaves the body. But not her soul, her soul is her, and she will never lose the pain until she's older she;ll always be scarred just like I, but that's okay, people grow old and find better things. I saved a girl, Who was just like I.