I just dont know what to do anymore

by shantelle
(south dakota)

My biological parents got in a lot of fights and many were violent. I sometimes even got hit. So my parents ended up getting divorced when I turned 7. I remember the night my mom left with me and my siblings. I had no clue what was going on. We moved to an apartment.

My bio dad was very angry. When we would visit he would hit me and my siblings. I became the mother at his home, doing everything a mother would do but I was 7. My mom stared to short our visits with him to only the weekends. The last time we stayed at his home was when he burned my sister. We stayed at our moms house until further notice. Then when we saw him, there would be someone there to watch his anger. This continued for 2 years. Then we were allowed to see him at home again. But again he was abusive. There's so much more but that's the basics.

When I turned 10 my mom met another guy and he was the father I always wanted. My mom and him got married 3 years later. He was everything I ever wanted in a father. When I turned 14, it was march of 2011. In may my mom and stepdad got into a huge fight and we had to move. 6 days after the fight my mom filed for divorce. I became very depressed same cried every night. Nothing would ever be the same. My mom changed. She started to drink a lot and party. She wasn't there for me.

During most of this my siblings were at their fathers. My sister called and said to come over. I hadn't seen my father in 2 years. Maybe he changed so I went. But I was fooled again. His home was in horrible conditions and my father and I got into a fight. I told him why I never came back but he didn't listen. He called me many names. That's when ran away from his house and called my mom and she had no idea what was going on. She came and got me and we went to his home but they were gone. I later found out he was hiding my siblings in his room. We age to leave cuz the police couldn't help. I cried that night cuz I was scared for my siblings.

I found out my bio father was trying to get custody to take us away from my mom. My siblings and I told him we didn't want to live there. But he didn't care. My mom finally got my siblings but my dad gained primary custody so we had to go back. He forced us to come with him. We had to leave. When we left to his home, I got into another fight with him. That's when he hit me. I git my siblings and ran them to the police station. They then took us to a foster home for the night. We were able to go home the next day with our mom. I was so traumatized that I was always sad and cried a lot. Everything was falling on me and it hurt. My mom still drinks a lot and her cousin get drunk and calls me names. When I try to go to bed, he blares music and drinks more. My mom is starting to neglect me and won't listen to my feelings. She says she's an adult and she can do whatever she wants. No one is there for me. To hold me and tell me everything is all right.

I wanna go see my stepdad cuz I miss him but my mom is too drunk to care. That night I cut myself cuz I was so depressed. I knew it was bad but I did it anyway. Now I just stare out the window wondering what to do but I don't. That the main story and now I suffer in pain. I understand your pain.