I hate my life

by Saniyyah
(philly)

I'm 14 and it seem like I can't do anything right , I really can't take it all. I stay in trouble over stuff like boys. If a boy call my phone, can be my gay best-friend my mom would go crazy , like I only have two friends that's girls. I recently broke up with my boyfriends that I was so in lobe with.

I know when you're reading this its probably like she don't know anything about love, but I really did love him. We broke up because his mom said I was to grown she read some kind of messages or something. But he was the only person I could talk to, the only boy I would be myself with. He made me feel good about mu self , especially having low self-esteem. He would always call me beautiful. When I told him what my stepfather did he cried for me. Its like when we thought my mom didn't like him its let make it work but when it's the other way around its OVER. And the thing is it seems like he's happy about it , like he would send me a text and say "you miss me yet" that's not funny to me. So now every thing that we planned in the future I don't want to do, I don't want kids , I don't want to get married, as a matter of fact I don't Evan want to fall in love, not when i'm older not now, its to much in my family , i'm the reason why my four brothers have no father.i know my mom love me it just don't seem like she like me at times. She wanted to send me to therapy about what happens with my step-dad, knowing they were going to have to put me in a foster home for a while , and then she was like well you're going to have to tell the police because what he did is not rite. I'm lie okay, but at the same time she still texts this man, Evan when it's not about the boys , I herd that they were in a restaurant kissing him while picking up my brothers, a man that sexually abused her only daughter. But she cries it my really father and wonder why I write down stuff that say she might not live me , sometime I get the since just the way she talk to me, and then other times it seem like she has some love for me. I hate my life IV consider suicide, tried running away but I have big plans for the future, so I can't, but then if your not loved, what's the point of living?