I feel like people judge me all the time

by kks
(MD)

Accounting is a great profession to study but the only thing is that I can’t really understand it very well in terms of many things. Man shit this is so stupid that I am pretending to type just to make people think that I am doing something instead of nothing. I can’t really think straight nor focus a bit in my studies. I can’t process what my teachers are saying in the classroom.

I also have a hard time processing what other people are saying or telling me during regular conversations. I constantly forget what I am thinking or what I was going to say and I even forget what the hell I was talking about just a few minutes ago. I can remember some things bust some things I just forget or do not know how to express it. I am having a very difficult time expressing myself and I am having problems with my anger as it can’t be controlled by me. Sometimes I feel like running away or smoke something or drink. I may be developing into a person I hated all my life. I may be becoming a horrible person that I promised I will never become.

Yes I advice people with their life but I do not really have anyone to advise me like I do to others. I speak from the heart when I talk to others but when my turn comes I am not able to do what I advise others to do because I do not really have a support force behind me to encourage me to do what I am suppose to do. Is this just a phase in my life or is it just me becoming what I didn’t want to become. Hope someday ill snap out of this soon, and I hope that soon comes really soon rather than later because I know that if I go towards the wrong direction I will not be able to return back.

I have kind of pretended to become someone I am not and I feel like people judge me all the time. This is why I like to act a bit different while people are looking over me. I feel like I need help but I also feel that that help is too far for me to get.