I dont know what to think...

by Anonymous

I am 13 and I always had this feeling that I didn't belong… Like someone in groups hatted me so I didn't hang out with them... I still feel the same way but now its worse. Once, I almost cut myself because of my brother saying he hated me, but I thought about my family.

Last year, I had a crush on this boy. He didn't like me but I couldn't stop liking him... eventually I started praying to have dreams about him but all of them were like how he hated me or he likes another girl. Then i started to feel self conscious because a skinny boy called me fat... i know i'm not the biggest person in the world, but not the smallest either. so now i feel fat all the time, and my sister always calls me stupid or ugly and she doesn't know how much it hurts me. also a boy at school called me ugly... but i was being mean to him. over the summer i thought i got over the boy i liked, but then i saw him at a party and i liked him again... but i liked him more. now, in 8th grade i feel like i love him but he doesn't like me. also, there is another boy who made me feel even more self conscious. We were like messing around but then he went to far and said I looked like a guy... and I laughed but inside I was dying.

My best friend didn't do anything but say I didn't. He kept that up until now, but he started telling all his friends and once he said I looked like a mouse and got other people to say it. Also the boy i like, i feel like will never like me no matter how much i like him. i keep hoping that one day he will ask me why i look so sad when i'm by him, but he never does and every time he doesn't, i get more sad. tonight i felt like crying my eyes out but i couldn't because if some one saw me and asked what was wrong, i would be afraid to tell them. the only person i can really talk to i cant see. i feel like my parents wont believe me and my friends will laugh. i just feel so alone in this and i need help. I'm crying just writing this. i just want to be a little more happy... and forget about the one i love who doesn't love me back...