I cry when I just look in the mirror

by Monica
(ga)

I hate the way I look. I feel like when I look in the mirror a 400 pound girl is looking back at me. I'm pregnant and so I'm starting to look a little like it and I feel like if I gain weight I'm going to be so hideous.

I don't want to have the baby and then have gained like 30 pounds I can't lose and my fiance leave me. He watches porn and he knows it makes me feel bad about myself. I feel like 'well why is he watching that when he has me? Am I not enough?' I know I'm not as pretty as the girls in those videos, obviously.

He says it doesn't mean anything and says "it's just a guy thing" and I know that but I wish he could care a little more about MY feelings instead of just calling me a baby which pretty much makes me feel like utter crap, I've been crying for the past hour because of this, because it makes me hate me. It makes me wish I could look like the girls in those videos for him. I wish I could be perfect. I was putting on makeup to hide how red my face was from crying all all I could think was 'What's the point? It's like putting make up on a cow, it's still just a cow.'

I don't know what to do because nothing makes me feel better, especially when I feel like I have no one to listen to me or validate my feelings.