I am a Joke

by Luisa
(Melbourne)

I'm not 100% sure whether I'm depressed or not, but I would trade places with anybody, and I'm dead serious. I live in Australia. I grew up witnessing other people's australian, loving, caring, relaxed parenting skills while I had to endure my mothers italian smothering, psycho parenting.

Is it normal to hate your mother? Because I hate her. It's her fault I have no friends, no job, and I'm ugly from her hideous genes (big nose, big under eye bags, tiny lips, fat and short) My (big) sister somehow magically escaped those ugly features (apart from shortness) but then again I definitely don't envy her; guys treat her like shit, but I think that's because she is needy as hell and craves attention.

She made me Catholic. I think it's even her fault that god now has power over my life and mind that he is using to trap me forever and make me miserable. If I was born an atheist australian girl to a kind pure western family, I would be happy and god would never hurt me or manipulate me for his own sake. It's like I attract callous compassionless vampires.

If I could choose, I'd be an australian man. god hates women. It's basically in the bible, god is a violent fag. I can't wait to escape. I CRAVE FREEDOM, but there's no end in sight. She gave me an ugly name. Luisa. Like what the fuss is that?? Thanks mum for ensuring that I never attract a respectful white guy.

My mother wants to keep me as a baby forever. She ruined everything. I know, I know, mothers are ALL angels and you're not allowed to criticize them no matter how much they damage you. I think it's because she's so OLD and everyone else's parents are younger than her. But she's also a psycho, power starved power guzzling FREAK with control issues so maybe that wasn't fair to criticize italians just because of her. I don't cut myself or any of that stuff, but I'm 21 years old and I've never had a job and I've never had a friend before. Ever. I'm a joke.