..how to heal..

by A.
(the middle of nowhere. usa.)

Rest In Peace Monica

Rest In Peace Monica

I have secrets, things that happened when I was young. I have let them make me afraid, afraid of men, of everything. I found my refuge in music and my 2 best friends. For as long as I can remember, I have been upset and frightened. 8 weeks ago tonight, one of my best friends took her own life.

I love her so much that it hurts every night. I feel as if I've lost a part of me. Sometimes, when I finally wake up I start to text her still. Most days I have to remind myself that its real, that she is gone. I do not want to be a burden on my other friend as I do not know how to cope with this. I haven't been able to sleep since it happened. I stay up till early morning till I finally pass out. I wake up constantly and feel exhausted when I finally get up. I don't know if anyone will read this, or if anyone will know what to say. Can anyone please tell me how to get through this. She didn't leave a note or send a text or anything.

i knew she was upset, and i promised her if she ever killed herself that i would follow and she promised me the same. i feel like I'm letting her down by simply being alive. i feel like i failed her by not getting her through the darkness. sometimes i feel like i broke her with my own secrets. i love her so much. this hurts worse than anything i have ever experienced. how do i move on? how do i deal with the mix of emotions?

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..how to heal..

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It'll be Alright
by: Emma

That was really touching. First, I'm sorry for your lose. I'd like to say first, I have no idea what its like to lose someone like that. I don't know how to feel about that. But I do understand how young a soul feel. Your scared and hurt. You wonder, 'Did she ever think of me. Did she think about how I would feel? Didn't she think that I would cry?'. It's all right. You cry every night, thinking back to her life and your memories with her. You cry because you think, what will I do without her? I understand that you made a promise with her but you don't need to follow immediately. Let nature take its course. Just think, if you have forever after your time, she doesn't have to wait that long. Live your life, follow your dreams and see things. See the world. Change a life. Change a life so that that life wont have to feel the way you do. Live life to the fullest so after your time is up, you wont have any regrets. Yes, you'll still have the regret of what happened to Monica, but would Monica want you to do this to yourself? Think, do you want your other friend to feel the same as you do, right now? It's all right to feel sad. But don't follow, until it's YOUR time.
Did Monica have any dreams? Any goals for the world? In her name, achieve those goals. In her name change the world the way Monica would have.
I understand how you feel. And the ways I listed for you, I cant follow. Because this is YOUR story. This is YOU and Monica's story. Make the world know who Monica was. Don't push it aside, just take it, and make miracles.
You always have me if you want to talk. (pinkapril11@hotmail.com) I know that it feels good to talk to someone your age and stuff, so feel free to e-mail me. I'd be happy to help.
Lots of love and care, to both you and Monica.
How to get through
by: Laslo

Hi A,
There is no way to get through, there is no way to forget. However, there is a way to live with it.
The most important thing I have to tell you, that Monica is who really needs help not you. You are lucky that you are in the position to help her. She is not able to help herself. Please, help her. It is very important for her. A soul who has committed suicide is in a helpless state, only those who loved her can help her. And you are able to help her. Of course, you can spend your time feeling sorry for yourself but it is not good for you and does not help Monica.
How can you help her? Just feel your love to her and tell her what is really important. She will listen to it.

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