How should I know

by Fae
(United states)

My life is messed up. My parents fight constantly And my dad hates me. And guess what else? I cut myself. I am a lesbian and I am bipolar. I had an amazing girlfriend and I loved her with all my heart and so I came out and told her I cut myself. She broke up with me the next day. I smiled and said I understood. But on the inside, I was already thinkIng about that knife in my hand.

I was caught last year before I moved to my current school and home. My dad ripped my door off it's hinges and and said I needed to stop carving myself. I said that I was carving something beautiful since I was not. Then, right in front of my mom, he promised he would beat me. He would beat me for being depressed and hurt. I think that night I hated him at the most I would ever. The next morning my mom came in my room and told me that if I ever needed someone to talk to she would be there. I didn't because she didn't know that I was a lesbian.

The next chirstmas I found out I was overweight by .3 pounds. I began to diet and exercise until I was skinnier. It didn't work. So I found medicine in the cabinet that would make me lose weight. It still didn't work. I stopped eating and cut myself everyday.
Then I met her. She was pretty in my eyes and kind. I asked her out after she broke up with her girlfriend. She said yes. And she broke up with me after two months. Then I talked to her exe, my best friend, ( who had been happy for us when I asked her exe out) and I said I thought Ioved her.

And we talked and talked discovering we loved each other. And so that Is where I am now. A girlfriend and I am 'happy' but I still have suicidal thoughts. I still cut myself...