Helpless

by Sploffy

I'm 16 and doing my A Levels at the moment. I feel that i'm not allowed to be unhappy because my life generally is stable and secure... my parents are together and i'm doing okay at school, I'm not being bullied or anything.

I feel like I have to be happy because things in my life aren't really bad, I compare myself to other people, like my boyfriend. He's got a lot of family issues and has insomnia. He's very upset all the time and I know he hides it, but I feel if i talk to him about how I feel then he won't believe me, or tell me my life is good compared to his.

All the time I feel on the edge of tears, I go to bed and cry a lot, and recently a few things have happened to me, things that are quite minor, one of these things was public humiliation and although everyone said it was okay, like my teachers.. i just can't get over it.

Yesterday and the day before i went to bed and felt consumed by bad thoughts, i felt like there was a lump in my throat all the time and i cried so much. i couldn't escape the way i was feeling and it just felt like torture. i often get headaches and feel drowsy and un-motivated, but i still manage to keep on top of school work just about, although i'm worried about my future.

I can't talk to anyone and just feel helpless. I feel i don't have a right to be upset.