Help, I'm Alive

by stephanie kramer
(on canada )

I've been in the hospital for trying to kill myself before and promised i'd never end up back there because surviving what I tried was horrible. I'm 17 going into grade 12. There isn't anything specifically wrong in my life just nothing worth living for.

I have tons of friends and I hangout with the prettiest girls in my grade go to all the older parties, but somethings missing. As much as I love my friends they're all selfish. I had a guy in my life, he's been in my life for about three years now we have been so off and on and after one of our big fights he tells me he doesn't love me anymore and two days later is dating another girl. He could usually make me happy but he never made my "suicidal thoughts stop". Now that I he hurt me though I feel pretty dead inside. My psychiatrist told me to make a list of all the things I liked about myself and I couldn't think of one thing.

My moms a single mom raising me and she does an amazing job at it and i don't think i would be here today if it weren't for her. my dad on the other hand is pretty much a dead beat dad who complains every time he sees me. my life just seems to be getting worse and worse and the one person who actually made me feel special and pretty and all that jazz told me it was all a lie. i hate nights like this, the nights i feel so hopeless and so hurt and so angry towards life. Even in the happiest moments of my day this feeling never goes away.

I know I would have off'd myself a while ago if I wasn't so scared of pain. I'd ask for help but I doubt anyone could help me. So I guess all I'm asking for is advice.