Happiness is non-existent for me

by RH
(Bangladesh)

I know exactly what causes me to be depressed. I know exactly what to do to get me out of a depressive episode...

But I don't do it.

I stay depressed. I wallow in self-loathing and hopelessness. I cry almost everyday. I've lost my interest in my hobbies. I used to write and paint, but now, it's like there's this huge barrier that's preventing me to do anything creative. My grades have dropped and I don't feel the urge to improve them...everything in my life is going downhill.

I've read many blogs and advice from people on how to overcome depression, and I know I should start taking small steps to improve my life...

But I don't even feel like doing that.

I...can't really explain it... I feel like anything I do is going to go wrong or will let people down. I feel like there's no point in overcoming my depression because it's going to start all over again. I'll keep on being a hopeless pathetic little being and I'll keep on failing. So...what's the point?

I'm 17. At my age, I'm supposed to be a bright, cheerful girl, breezing through life. But I'm not. Nothing happens in my life to be worth being happy for. Everyone else is better off, everyone else seems to be having the time of their lives, but it seems like I'm the only one who's missing out on everything...

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Happiness is non-existent for me

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Mar 30, 2011
 me too
by: Jessie

me too, RH, me too.

Every night, someone thinks about you before
they go to sleep
At least fifteen people in this world love you.
The only reason someone would ever hate you is
because they want to be just like you.
There are at least two people in this world that
would die for you.
You mean the world to someone.
Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
Nov 15, 2010
 Ditto...
by: Geoff P

Hi RH, your blog echoes my own feelings. This damn depression has made me almost completely dysfunctional!

It's a relatively new thing for me, having suffered only mild depression for around ten years, and possibly longer (undiagnosed perhaps). Now, I have been diagnosed with "reactive depression" by my Doctor.

I'm a lot older than you, and it seems that over these years I have amassed several triggers, which have helped turn me into this wreck. But I have hope!

I have read a lot of the new thinking, which shines a light at the end of the tunnel! Particularly exciting is this very site, belonging to Christinal and Laslo, who I believe are among the small army of emerging pioneers in Mental Health.

I understand that we may be on the cusp of a revolution in the outdated, and small arsenal of mental health treatments which is on offer at this time.

Ideas such as changes in diet, and activity. And some simple changes in how we do things, as well as a number of alternatives. I'm in no doubt that you know all this. And I am not wishing to sound like I am patronising you.

I just wanted to reassure you. I think times are a changing, and there is definitely much more hope than there has been for fifty years or more. Stick with it, and succeed. Beat this bitch called depression! :o)

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