Going through Midlife Crisis at 44

by Evie
(Texas)

Midlife Crisis

Midlife Crisis

I am 44 years old and I'm going through midlife depression, I guess that is what everyone calls it. Slowly over the past couple of years I have isolated myself from family and friends only communicating at work since I work in Customer Service. Put on that happy face and help the customers with their needs and of course they are never satisfied (Story of my life), I have asked myself why?

What happened to me? What is it that I want or need? Do I want and need to be alone? Is it my fault for 2 failed marriages and why I want to walk away from my third marriage? My two almost adult kids from my first marriage are not happy anymore and it's my fault because of the choices I have made. I know there are people like me going through the same thing that can understand what I'm talking about — taking care of everyone's needs, husbands, kids, home, work, decision making, cooking, cleaning and so on and so on and so on....I am feeling ashamed, guilt, sadness, aloneness, and emptiness. I want to run away.

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Going through Midlife Crisis at 44

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To Joanna NEW
by: Anonymous

Joanna,
Please do not beat your self up. No one except a single mother knows what it takes to raise children.
I hope I am remembering correctly, but it sounds like you were alone.

We can not blame ourselves for practical lessons not taught to us by our parents. God knows, I had the most loving mother in the world, but did she teach me how to judge another human beings intent,
NO WAY. I am giving you this advice while trying to self council myself......

Let all of that crap go, move on and do the best that you can, stay clean and don't isolate.
Love Julie
Someone else feels your pain NEW
by: Joanna

I just turned 44. I have five kids two still at home. They are all mildly disfuctional. I have always been so afraid to be alone, so I have been trying to have a relationship with someone who cheats and does drugs, causes drama and then comes back 6mo to a year later and says he is sorry. he is gone most of the time. I had a very good job as an executive assistant but I recently lost it because of all the drama from him. Even when he is gone I work my life away. My kids raise themselves and I feel sad and like a bad mother. I have so many bills, and we have moved so many times and I'm broke and about to lose everything again. I am always left to pick up the pieces. I just cant believe I wasted my life with and ruined my kids at the same time. I spend some holidays alone so they can spend time with his family and cousins, aunts, and, uncles. I have no family at all, I was an only child, raised by a horrible mother who had me at 16, my dad died but I couldnt cry cause I barely knew him. i cannot speak to my mother after years of abuse. I dont think im ugly but I cant seem to meet a guy that fits me and im shy so its hard to meet people. I had a ton of therapy which did help me to see Im not a worthless piece of garbage like I had thought but thats all it did where do i go at 44. It wasnt supposed to be like this. I used to have passion and drive. Now I sit in my room alone all day every day even when the kids are home. I want to die but im to much of a coward to take my life. Thank you for sharing your story
It's Okay NEW
by: Evie

Evie, unfortunately we all feel as you do sometimes. Escape - I don't mean empty the checking accounts and go on the run, but go escape and do something for you for a day, a few hours, something. Go see an old girlfriend, go find and old drinking buddy and have a glass, treat yourself to a massage. No money, go to the library and just sit in a chair and read by yourself for an hour or two. You need to take time to decompress and just be you - the you that you are without husbands, children, responsiblity, etc. The kids are sad - send them to therapy, tell them to get over it, blame their father, etc. We as mother's can not base our life and our worth upon how happy our children are despite our best efforts and the crap that has happened to them. Hang in there!!
Find a reason to live. NEW
by: Anonymous

You have two children.
Are you happy for them?
Do you WANT them to be happy?

If you keep living in the past, thinking that they are unhappy because of you, you will never move past that unhappiness. You need to think for the future. Make a stand.
Do you want to be happy?
Do you want to see your children grow up?
Do you want to feel loved?
Do you want to love again?

If your answers to these questions are the ones that nobody wants to listen to, then you already know why.

Do you want to be happy again?
If you do, do something about it.

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