Doobug's Mom
by Pam
I have always been depressed I think, cause I cant remember the last time I was truly happy, there have been moments and I treasure those, like the birth of my children a new job when I bought my home. Then my son was murdered and my world got turned upside down. My daughter has always been shy and skittish and was once diagnosed with ocd, but she had been doing fine, since the death of her brother almost two years ago on july 3rd, she has fallen into such a depression. I recently had to hospitalize her in a psyche ward, she is currently on lithium and risperdal shots every two weeks, she is not herself dressing inappropriately for the weather and just plain clownish. I am at my wits end. She has started swimming which is her passion almost everday and I wonder if she is going to fast, she does about 15-20 laps, this seems the only thing to help her sleep, but when she gets home she still seems distant and anxious. She is not the same person I often wonder will I get her back. She says to me sometimes I feel as if I am losing my mind. She has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizo affective disorder. In the meantime I am not being treated so I can be clear minded for her, I have always had a problem with meds, whatever side effect listed and some that or not I get, for example with buspar I got a ringing in my ear which turned into tinnitus that I have today, this is a rare side affect but I got it. I have just resigned myself to be depressed and unhappy, in fact I am familiar with the feeling, probably would not know what to do if I felt otherwise.
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