Depression at age 60 after death of parents

by Terry
(Florida)

I am a 60 year old woman who lost her father 8/18/2010 and her mother 4/19/2011 only 8 months apart. My father died unexpectedly and my mother had been ill for a number of years. My father was primary caregiver and after he died I had to quite my job to become the full time caregiver until I could make arrangements for someone to help. After finding help I went back to work and was laid off one month after my mother died. I had asked about the job because it seemed to be looking in trouble but was assured the job was secure. They lied to me and I could have taken the time to be with my Mother while she was in Hospice. I hate the organization for lying to me like that, they stoled the precious time I could have had to stay with her while she was in the dying process. Now I cannot find a job, I need to sell the house we all lived in as I have no children and my husband died 30 years ago. I cannot stand being alone in a house where we all lived. I see them everyday in the rooms at the house and I become very depressed over all of this. I was unable to grieve my Father's death due to having to care for my Mother. She could not grieve because she did not want to burden me.

My family tells me things will get better and I want to believe this. I consider myself a Christian and had strong faith but my faith is failing me which makes me sad to think an incident like this could steel my joy. Happiness depends on circumstances and true joy comes from believing God will work in this situation. Satan has taken his toll on me.

I would rather die then have to continue to live like this. The loneliness is too much for me to handle, even when I am around my sister and her family. She has someone to hold onto, her husband and children and friends. I am friendless. Always a hermit and introvert that needs to change but it is hard at age 60. I have seen a therapist and it helps a little but I just cannot seem to see the light in this dark cave.
HELP