Blackened Rainbow

by Anonymous

I'm a gay teen. People tell me these years are going to be my worse.

I didn't use to cut. I use to be strong and work through the depression. I use to have "it'll get better" trade of thought. But, I don't think its going to get better. This realization feels even worse. So I cut...it makes all the other feelings num and I can control this pain because I'm doing it to myself.

I want to stop but, i think I'll just do something more dangerous. I haven't told anyone yet. I think what makes me cut is the feeling that im less than everyone else..the faces of people when I walk into a room. The disgust they show...specially the boys.

Or that I can't even tell my friends that are girls that I like a boy without seeing the discomfort on their face.

Sometimes I think I'm just a flaming pet for them that shouldn't have any real emotions. I'm just there to make them laugh. I don't think anyone would care if I cut myself or not..I dont think anyone would read this...do I matter?