alone on a neverending christmas break

by jessie
(pennsylvania)

it started on wednesday when i had a dream. ive been reading books and most had a dark male charater who fell in love. when i woke up i felt like my boyfriend waasnt good for me. so,over a text i broke up with him.

my one year older sister didnt want me to break up even though she always judged my boyfriend.by the end of the day i realized i was being stupid.i felt like i needed my boyfriend and i felt alone.so i made up a lie saying i was only trying to mess with my sister.he didnt like that and didnt take me back. but hes cheated on me twice and ive forgiven him because i love him even though were both 12.so why couldnt he forgive me?

well my sister is pretty and my boyfriend and his friend kept trying to ask her out. she told me she wouldnt betray me but she was flirtin with them on the phone and i had to watch. it was devestating. ive never felt so alone in my life. i i wanted to die and and just not exist anymore.how could sshe do that to me when she said she didnt like him.it was to much for me.i had to cut myself.i normally use a piece of my school planner but that was at home and i was across the street.i calmed down though before i used scissors.

she kept wanting me to hang out with them. on the outside i was smiling and casually saying no. but inside i was an exploding volcanoe. my heart flew away with the key. i didnt want to be by anyone but that didnt stop me from putting a happy face on.i felt so betrayed by them both, my sister and ex, that i wanted to beat them both slowly and painfully until they felt the writhing pain i received from them. it was non stop for two days. i ended up looking up whatt to do after a breakup and found 8 ways to help me forget about my boyfriend. they seemed easy but i knew trying to forget scottt would be like ipping every memery of us out of my treacherous life. it would feel like a thousand knives plunging at me so slowly and so painfully and so neverending.

thats when i looked up this website to help my depression problems. i hope it can help. especially since not a soul knows i have depression. i couldnt do that to my already messed up family and my friends. theyd call me physco and weird. i dont want to be an outcast. and i really dont want to let scott go.i dont know what to do.