Almost gone

by Gabe
(Eaton Rapids )

Hi my name is Gabrielle Esquivel, I am 17 years old. In the eyes of others I seem like a happy girl, but underneath it all I'm mildly depressed. When I was in 6th grade I grew more and more depressed, I started to run away from home, I wouldn't eat; I use to back talk every one. The years passed by and my depression got worse I hated everyone and the person I hated the most was me! I remember looking in the mirror and yelling at my self, telling myself how ugly, fat, stupid I am. My self a steam was at an all time low. Being at home made me feel terrible, I was in an abusive home; anytime I did something wrong I knew it was coming.

To this day if I do something wrong I relapse into the past and curl up and protect myself. During this point in time my grades showed that I was having problems which caused more problems at home. The beginning of my 8th grade year I was to my breaking point, the fall of 2008 I began to cut wrist. At first I cut with a knife, but my depression got worse and I switched to razor blades. It started off with just a couple and I would be calm, then it began to become 20.

I have over 130 cuts on my arms; a year ago I did them on my leg. My family could no longer help me, I was done with life. I would get home from school and sit in my room and think of the ways I could kill myself. I tried to drug myself; I also have tired to hang myself and even suffocation. My childhood was the worst I never like talking about it. Everyday I try and forget about what really happened to me but these scars are on me and I can never get rid of them!!! No one could save me and I knew that I wouldn't live past 17, but I am 17 now and I have to tell you I have been making the worst mistake of my life. I know it's hard to stop those feelings, I still have them! In fact 2 weeks ago I acted upon those feelings; thankfully my dad saved me from myself once again. You are not alone in anything you do. People go through this all the time, but you are better than this! You can fight through this I sat back and I thought why would I take my life away? My life is so precious, I only get one! People do love you!

Thank you for letting me share my story! Remember you are special and you can over come this!!