A Teenager's Depression

by Deedra Ramachandram
(Klang, Malaysia)

That's me will so much going on in my mind i just can't take it

That's me will so much going on in my mind i just can't take it

Being depressed is never easy. I've been depressed for about 2 years now and i feel like crap. I can't concentrate, i can't sleep properly, i've been eating too much, gaining too much weight, and loads of other stuff. I can't see a future for myself. I just can't.
Nobody understands me. A friend who once had depression herself didn't even understand me. I hate it.
I tried telling people how i feel, but they just don't understand or they don't try too. And that includes the two psychiatrists i went to.
Many times i wanted to commit suicide. I feel like there's no point for me to live. I'm a failure. I screw things up. What's the point?
I'm fat, i'm ugly, i cut myself, i'm not smart, i have few friends, my family never understands me, i've never had a boyfriend, i've never had a first kiss and i'm 16, i've been abused, i'm a shame, i'm a mistake, no one loves me, no one gets me, no one ever will.
So here i am, feeling miserable as ever, waiting for the day when this will all end.
I don't want advice. I just want someone to listen. And i want to be loved.

Comments for
A Teenager's Depression

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Apr 25, 2011
 PLEASE READ! NEW
by: Anonymous

I had that same feeling and always will have it. You can be my friend you can tell me how you feel. I will listen. I live in Chicago IL, and is in sixth grade. Yes, you might think I am younger than you and cant understand. But i can! I can listen I need someone to listen! Will that be you? Can you listen? You are loved, someone out there. You are! Go and live enjoy, i will be your friend
I will listen to you
I will help you
I want to help someone
I want you to listen to me
I will understand you
My email is Shahardahari2@gmail.com
Apr 12, 2011
 don't give up NEW
by: Anonymous

I've felt the way you've felt for a long time now. I have the same problems and i feel like no one understands me either but don't give up. You're beautiful the way you are and my sister once told me: confidence is key in winning depression .... it begins with yourself, confidence doesn't come from others. i've been trying hard not to feel that way too but sometimes i can't help it. just don't give up. you have a purpose in life, find something you can express yourself in: music, dance, art, poetry. let others know and try to take some medication or exercise.. exercise always helps me. i may not have it as bad as you but i know that you can overcome this if you put all your heart into getting better and accept the help from others. you can do it, don't give up, don't ever give up... take it from someone who already did and is trying to get back up too.
Mar 31, 2011
 email me NEW
by: Jessie

brokengirlinabreakingworld@gmail.com
please email me. I's good therapy. for me too.
Mar 30, 2011
 i do not know you but i think you are a good person even if you don't think so. NEW
by: lola

just keep going. it's what i do. just keep going and believe it will get better.
Now read and remember.
Every night, someone thinks about you before
they go to sleep
At least fifteen people in this world love you.
The only reason someone would ever hate you is
because they want to be just like you.
There are at least two people in this world that
would die for you.
You mean the world to someone.
Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

it'll be okay. i promise.
Mar 24, 2011
 A mother's thought. NEW
by: Gillian

Hi Deedra,

I'm not a teenager but a mother of three teenage sons - two of whom are in different phases of depression. Your story really saddened me as I can hear the lonliness and isolation in you. You don't mention your family, so it's difficult to know where you might have tried to get help already. You say that no-one understands you, and I've heard that from my own sons so many times. It seems to me that someone with depression will often cry out for help, but in ways which often isolate them more. For example, anger or hostility towards the 'helper' might be a way of crying out for help, but the recipient might take it the opposite way and presume you just want to be left alone, when you're probably consumed with lonliness already. I'm sorry if I'm wrong in my observations and I can't say I know what you're going through, because I don't - I've been on the receiving end of someone who is depressed, however, and I guess I've learned a few things about the patterns which seem to appear. Please keep trying to reach out for help: I'm sure the people who care about you are trying to understand, but depression can be very difficult to understand from the outside. I really hope that the black cloud will lift for you and the negative thoughts will give way to something more positive. I'm sure you are loved - and I hope you can come to love yourself some time, which is perhaps the most important step of all. Take care, Gillian.
Mar 01, 2011
 I do not give you any advice NEW
by: Laslo

I do not give you any advice but I listen to you. I'd like to listen to more from you.
I see that you heartily know your dark side. I'm wondering what is with your other side, do you know it as well?
I know a very good reason to love you...

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