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10 Step Guide to Becoming Deadly Depressed

So you really want to become deadly depressed? Ok, well here is our 10 step guide:

  1. Do not be interested in the outer world (humans, nature, events etc.).

  2. Be interested only in yourself, be selfish.

  3. Watch the telly all days long (or even longer). Otherwise sit before your computer 25 hours a day.

  4. Do not get out from the house. Get isolated! Do not let the sunshine in!

  5. Do not move, just lie down and sleep. If you cannot, be engaged in self-centered thoughts.

  6. Eat only junk food, maybe McDonalds. Drink plenty of coffee and coke by day and alcohol at night.

  7. Do not make love -- masturbate.

  8. Cut off your social contacts, do not meet your friends, do not talk to your family and neighbors. Do not even speak to your pet!

  9. Never ever smile! Feel the dead-end of life.

  10. Do not believe in God.

 

Congratulations, you've now achieved the highest level of deadly depression!

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